currently listening to:Greatest Story Ever Told/Oliver James.

i am a huge mess of emotions right now and i can't seem to identify all of them. i'm sad, confused, angry, lonely, anxious, worried... the list goes on.

i'm drowning in this gigantic pool of thoughts, but no one can help me out of it because i don't understand what i'm wading in either. i can't talk about it, because i don't know what to say.

i'm depressing myself listening to all these sad songs, but don't even know if i have a right or a reason to be depressed. they say i'm luckier than most, yet i don't seem to understand why. i can't explain why exactly i'm feeling this way, i just am.

i'm always in the company of the people who love me the most, the people whom i love dearly, yet i don't think i've ever felt this alone or abandoned. i should be feeling loved and content, but i'm not.

i'm mad at myself because i'm constantly dreaming of what i want to have, what i want to feel--things others seem to have such an easy time finding, but something i feel i will never have.

being loved. being accepted. being happy.

i feel so ungrateful.

blech.